If electrons can change the past why can't I?

I was reading an article on 10 strange physics facts and a light went off. As I now know, according to the Double slit expirement particles of matter have both the characteristics of matter and of waves. During the expirement one electron has the ability to travel through one of the slits as matter predictably does, to travel through both slits initially and interfere with itself on the final side to form a diffraction pattern or the electron can punch out, grab its hat and jacket and decide to go home instead of going through either slit. What? Modern physics theoretically isn't nearly comprehendable. Also, to observe the electrons actual position relative to each slit changes the complete position of the electron and the electron travels through one slit, as matter predictably would but that isn't my point.

According to the expirement, once observed the wave acts as matter would and according to physicist John Wheeler and the expirement on his work in 2007, after the wave travels through the slit or both or neither, to observe it would force it to act as matter and change its past. Granted that means only a fraction of a second is changed but I'd like to know how I could take advantage of this. I was thinking, if the distance between the slit and the screen--in a more practical fashion, a star and myself, possibly a star further than our own sun away had a slit between it and I and I could observe it or maybe if I was accelerated through a slit fast enough to take advantage of my wave characteristics then observed, wouldn't I travel back in time? If I move faster than the speed of light by a specific speed could I change my own past? Could the process of causality work backward for me too? I seriously wonder because I would love to straighten up te transverse things already done.