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Physics Of Apathy In Gym Class

looby

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In case anyone was wondering Gym class or physical education as every one of the teachers insists(as if that makes a difference), is among my least favorite things to participate in, it's right down there with self immolation. The physics of dodging any gym class related work is of course fantastic. My first objective in gym class is simply to literally avoid performing work, as in I will attempt to not shift my position in the slightest, I'm for all intensive purposes a statue. Second should I be forced to move my velocity is kept to an absolute minimum, every additional joule of kinetic energy I gain is an additional failure to meet my core gym class principles. Third should in the course of any gym class any sort of ball or puck come to me, in order to avoid having a large system of energy come my way ( a bunch of people who care about gym), I will out of moral obligation supply it a sufficient impulse such that it's momentum is going promptly in the opposite direction of my completely apathetic mass. Fourth should some member of my gym "team" attempt to instruct me to perform work i'll swiftly inform them (in much less polite terms) that their instruction does not apply a sufficient force to overcome the static frictional force that not caring in the slightest has put upon my body. In conclusion I have just presented the physics guide to the perfect gym class this is my greatest gift to humanity cherish it.



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Some super-intense, deep rooted hatred coming out here. (there must be a joke in here somewhere about not being concerned about gym teachers actually reading a physics blog, but I'm not finding it.)

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